"You really look like a proud father," i am told very regularly these days.Of course every observer is right in his own way, but it is not the phrase that describes my feelings most accurately.
Biologically, i am Krijn's father, or at least i am supposed to be. But emotionally, paternity has to grow. When i declared Krijn to be my son in the Groningen town hall the morning after his birth, i had to control a fact sheet about Krijn's parents. The sheet mentioned "Place of birth father: Emmen". "That is wrong," i said to the civil servant, "that should be 'Achterveld'." The man checked his system, then looked at me, nodding his head. "Your father was born in Achterveld, but you were born in Emmen."
For fourty years, i have interpreted the word "father" as "my father". Switching to be one myself did not succeed in a split second.
I guess this is a matter of getting used to.
And, well, "proud" suggests i have done something more or less admirable. Jantine, my wife, certainly did.
I am just a man, grateful of what happened, who hopes to become a dad for Krijn nearly as good as my dad is for me.
Comments